Searles and the Unconscious Attempt to Drive the Other Person Crazy: What It Means for Children of Psychotic Parents
Harold Searles, a key figure in psychoanalysis, introduced the unsettling idea that individuals — especially those with psychotic structures — may unconsciously attempt to "drive the other person crazy." This isn't driven by conscious malice. Rather, it's an attempt to externalize inner fragmentation — to project unbearable confusion or incoherence into another person as a form of psychological survival.
When the "other person" is a child living with a psychotic parent, this dynamic can have a long-lasting impact.
What Happens to the Child?
Children in such environments often face a reality that feels inconsistent, unpredictable, or emotionally distorted. Their parent may oscillate between affection and paranoia, logic and delusion — often without explanation or acknowledgment.
Over time, the child may begin to:
- Question their own perceptions ("Did that really happen?")
- Feel emotionally responsible for their parent's mental state
- Take on adult-like caregiving roles prematurely
- Experience chronic anxiety, confusion, and guilt
- Suppress their needs or emotions to avoid triggering instability
This emotional instability can shape their self-concept, relationships, and worldview in subtle but significant ways.
The Long-Term Effects in Adulthood
These children may grow up to become adults who:
- Struggle with emotional boundaries
- Feel responsible for others' well-being
- Are hypervigilant to others' moods and cues
- Experience self-doubt, especially in intimate relationships
- Carry an invisible burden of confusion, shame, or unprocessed grief
Searles' concept helps explain why such individuals often feel "crazy" themselves — not because they are mentally ill, but because their reality was distorted by someone who projected their own psychotic experience into them.
Why This Matters in Therapy
Unpacking this dynamic in therapy can be incredibly healing. It allows individuals to:
- Understand the origin of their confusion and self-doubt
- Separate their authentic thoughts from projected distortions
- Develop a stable sense of self
- Set boundaries that were never modeled in childhood
This is not about blaming the parent — many psychotic parents love their children deeply. But it is about naming the emotional impact of being raised in an environment where reality itself was unstable.
Moving Forward
If you resonate with this experience — feeling like your sense of self was shaped in the shadow of a parent's psychological disorganization — therapy can help you make sense of it. Healing begins with recognizing that the chaos you internalized wasn't yours to carry.
Your experience matters. It's not "too subtle" to count. Reclaiming your inner clarity is possible — and you don't have to do it alone.